I really am. It’s evident just by looking at my ‘sent emails’ folder – you can tell when I was supposed to be doing something else, as they increase in frequency. Tumblr knows me very well, and it wasn’t until I was supposed to be revising for mock exams that I watched “A Very Potter Musical” after two years of resisting my friends’ efforts to persuade me.
In fact, if you look at my conversation with our dear Charley from earlier this evening (subject line: “This is my plotting face… be scared”), you’ll find that I actually admit it.
It might help, and I’m supposed to be editing Destroying so of course I’m doing everything else first.
I know that I procrastinate, and I know that it’s bad, but somehow I don’t seem to be able to do anything about it.
At the moment, I’m supposed to be working on my novel Destroying, which is the sequel to the one I was working on over Christmas, if you remember. That one was called Watching, and if you have a good memory you’ll be aware that I rewrote the entire thing, mostly in bed, while I had a double ear infection. Yes, that’s another thing about me. Procrastinator or not, if I have a deadline I’ll meet it.
But I don’t have a deadline for Destroying, because when I say ‘supposed to’ be working on it, I mean that I’ve set this as my current project. No one is keeping tabs on me, asking to see chapters, or expecting a certain wordcount by a certain date, and so I don’t have the motivation to write it.
This evening, I worked on preparing for an assessment I have on Friday. I also went to a ballet class, wrote notes on student demonstrations in Communist Hungary and the reaction of the USSR, did some flute practice for the first time in far too long, converted a video into an audio file to use as a sample in a composition for Music, and hashed out an incredibly detailed plot with Charley. Then, when our email conversation had got to ten essays long, I typed out the whole thing and made it much more coherent, even though I still included all the ideas we’d had that we’d rejected.
What was I planning to do this evening? Well, the work and the ballet, but I was leaving the sampling until tomorrow, and I never intended to do this sort of plotting. Unfortunately, I looked at my things to do list, and the fourth item on it was editing. There’s a horribly empty checkbox next to it.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that without a deadline I lack the self discipline to get things done. This isn’t entirely true, and if I set myself deadlines, that works just as well. It’s just that I feel incredibly drained from my mad rush to get Watching done, and now that I’ve relaxed I can’t pick up the pace again – at all.
I need someone to breathe down my neck, to ask me if I’ve done anything. Even if it’s a thousand words every two days, hardly anything compared to my average output of 8k a day over Christmas, I need to get this done, in small chunks, continuously.
Would you be those people, my lovely readers? Would you ask me every week how the editing is going, and not take, ‘Meh, okay’ as an answer? Would you ask me for my wordcount and tell me off for spending too much time on here and on Twitter?
Because if nobody tells me off, I will never have my book featured on a lovely blog like this one that you should really check out. Go on. You know you want to…