I may be rather absent from my blog for the next week or so. Not because anything has happened, or because I don’t love you all as much as I said that I did in my last post – simply because I am tired.

The sort of tired that would probably be solved by a lazy day, twelve hours’ sleep, and a hiatus from having to do any work, but also the sort of tired that builds up over time until you’re sitting on the ground at the bus stop and you know that you just can’t go on like this.

It’s the sort of tired that led me to doze off on the bus earlier – the sort of tired that means I don’t understand a word my French teacher says to me – the sort of tired that leaves me staring at the list of work I need to do and my whole brain just yelling ‘NOPE NOPE NOPE’ even though there isn’t actually that much, because I’ve been efficient about getting it done, and just a couple of hours of concentration would have it all sorted out.

I need to sleep.

I need to calm down.

Part of it’s because I haven’t been writing this week. Writing fiction, though I often complain about it, provides a sort of catharsis that I don’t get from writing essays. Knowing that I have a chapter to edit when I’ve done my work actually makes me work faster, and the push to make myself edit that chapter that evening leaves me with a sharper mind and a sense of relief.

But I finished editing. (A post on what I was working on is coming soon, I promise. Just not until I’ve slept.) Because I’m preparing for NaNoWriMo, which requires research and planning, I’m not starting anything new. Probably, taking a break from blogging is a bad idea because it’s the only voluntary writing I’m doing at the moment, but I just need not to have the obligation.

Without my coping mechanism – writing – and with an increase in the number of essays I have to write and the number of disturbed nights I’m having (I get quite a few nightmares, and tend to wake up a lot), it’s just all getting too much.

I am tired. Some of the time I’m so tired I want to cry. And I know I need to go to bed earlier and I know I need to relax so that I fall asleep more quickly but somehow, I can’t summon up the self-discipline to do that.

So if you don’t see me around between now and my Teens Can Write Too post on, I think, the 12th (god forbid it should be that long before I’m back, but who knows), that’s why. I’m not dead. I’m sleeping and working and trying to learn to cope.

I leave you with this song (unfortunately a live recording, and I always prefer studio tracks), because some of the lyrics seem relevant* at the moment. Also because it’s a good song, although this is a slightly different version to the one I know:

*their chains are getting closer / and I am tired…

11 thoughts on “Tired

  1. Story of my life too. University application and pressure to find work to send in, coupled with just general frustration and tiredness of too may things being loaded onto me at once . . . I understand entirely. Spent most of a talk about college choice with one of my tutors trying not to cry because I’m too tired and frustrated by everything to put up with it any more.

    Sleep would be nice. But my house is a ball of noise until at least 11:30 each night. Fat chance.

    Sleep is supposedly for the weak. Let me know if the weak have any documents, work to send in, or interview processes to go through if I want to join.

      1. We shall curl up and die quietly in our corners with a wonderful sense of fellowship then. I’d be able to sleep form one o’clock today, were it not for having to tour around a bunch of school heads later. Which means I have to be sociable. Gyeah.

      2. Can I join you both. I’ll settle us in with some nice hot chocolate, if I can summon the energy to make it.

        I’m currently in your state Miriam (the number of time I’ve typed you’re instead of your is amazing today). but for me, it’s the fact I’ve been staying up till after Midnight to make Halloween Costumes. Now it wouldn’t be bad if it was an occasional night, but it’s been at least 3 in a row and it’s going to continue until those costumes are done.

        I’ll make sure I post a picture of the kids in them when they are – and I have a post I can put up next week on what they are going to be. :}

        Thank goodness for a good camera on my phone.

        (see the tiredness is making me ramble. *sigh* I should go now.) :}

    1. Well… the Daleks would… be nice. Or something. In this version. They would skip (or wheel, I suppose) around in circles, throwing flowers in the air. Or something else strange peaceful.

      1. Mmm. Mine either. I had a dream the other night that started nicely with me walking through a field. Then I fell down and the plants pulled me down and I think they ate me. It was weird.

        Oh. Wait. Maybe I shouldn’t have written this ’cause you’ll dream of it now. xD

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