I love baby photos. I think they’re absolutely hilarious. Pre-2000 Miriam was completely adorable. She had a very expressive face and a tendency to look concerned, upset, or judgemental about pretty much everything.
So this post is in celebration of that. For the students currently revising for exams who don’t have time to read a long text-based post, and everybody else who wants something primarily formed of images — here’s a summary of my life before the millenium, with a few badly-digitalised photos. And by digitalised I mean I took photos of them on my phone, because I’m too lazy to scan things.
“Oh, puh-lease. As if that would work. Look, this isn’t my first day investigating fences. I do know what I’m doing, so let me do my job.”
“Are they doing what I think they’re doing? Oh, man, they are, aren’t they. Look at that. That’s just a disaster waiting to happen. You can’t get the staff these days.”
“Well, that’s it. I give up. You’ve really messed that one up, haven’t you? I mean I think we can clearly see that you’ve messed that one up.”
“I’m judging your fashion choices. And your life choices. And you. You’ve let me down, you’ve let everyone else down, but more importantly, you’ve let yourself down.”
“I looked into the abyss. Now I’m terrified of everything.”
“I take life very seriously. I’m going to pretend I can’t see this large elderly human laughing at me. Grown-ups are very strange.”
“Cake is an exceedingly worrying part of life. Why is there cake? Can you rescue me?”
“I hate everything. But mostly my hair. I know it’s 1999, but there’s really no excuse for this.”
“Like seriously. Who thought this was a good idea? There’s no way anybody thought this was a good idea. What is this hairstyle trying to be?”
“You think I never smile? Here, I’m gonna smile. See how you like that! Yeah. Yeah, I thought you didn’t want me to. Yeah, just run away.”
“I’m going to be a ballerina one day. Just you watch. You think I can’t do it, but I can.”
“Oh, I’m the queen of the universe? Yeah, I know. Thanks for reminding me. This is my throne. Feel free to start worshipping me at any point.”
“Look, Dad! In the future people will see us on the internet! Can you see them? They’re just on the other side of that screen. They’re looking straight at us.”
“Nobody understands my pain. You just don’t get what it’s like to be three. You can’t possibly comprehend the sheer existential despair I’m experiencing right now. Leave me alone.”
“Look! I’m not the smallest human anymore! There’s a cousin-creature, and it’s smaller than me. HA. I’m not the tiny one now.”
I found these pictures while procrastinating this morning. They’re thoroughly entertaining — I had such brilliant facial expressions. All the photos before about 1999 just show me looking very worried and/or angry about everything, but after that I seemed to cheer up a bit. According to Mother Person I was tired all the time (nothing changes), so maybe that’s why my resting face looked like I was terrified of everything.
Although I have to say, in a lot of the group shots my expression seems to express a feeling more akin to “siblings why”, with my older brother and sister doing any number of odd things while I watch in confusion and despair. That’s the curse of being the youngest, of course.
Also, seriously, what were my parents thinking with my haircuts?