Latest Rambles

Operation ASNaC, Four Years On

Operation ASNaC, Four Years On

Oh, hey, I finished my degree today. Exams were a mixed bag. Totally overdid it in my Irish exam (wrote 7,600 words in less than four hours) and triggered the biggest carpal tunnel flare-up I’ve had since 2013, so I’ve been in a lot of pain this week and also dealing very badly with it on an emotional level. Plus it got in the way of revising properly for Welsh, which was today, my last exam, and so I ended…

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Dancing Through Hell

Dancing Through Hell

Quick post today, because I realised it was a very long time since I last posted and I should maybe keep you updated. Short version: exam term is hell. Finals are hell. I am in hell. Insert witty Dante reference here because dammit I’m a medievalist, I should know what to say!! Sorry. I’m just fighting the feeling that I’m a failure who doesn’t know nearly as much about medieval literature as I think I do. My first exam is…

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Disappointment and Impostor Syndrome

Disappointment and Impostor Syndrome

Yesterday I attended my second feis (Irish dance competition) since returning to dance as an adult. After the success of the first one, I was keen to do it again. It was fun! I discovered that I enjoyed performing, and that my anxiety went away as soon as I was actually on stage (even if it was bad beforehand) — and I did pretty well, too, so that was a big morale-booster. Despite impending finals, doing another competition a few…

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Academic Acknowledgments

Academic Acknowledgments

Im my department, we’re not encouraged/allowed to include acknowledgements in our dissertations. In some ways, this is a relief — I’d inevitably forget someone important, and I’d also run into issues trying to credit people I only know by their usernames online. However, it also seems a shame, because there are a number of people without whom this dissertation couldn’t have been written; if it had, it would have been much the poorer for it. But now that it’s handed…

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Querying My Future

Querying My Future

Job hunting and querying are extremely alike, I’ve found. Cover letters are basically just queries for yourself; an interview is a full or partial request (depending whether it’s the first interview of several or the only one); and those offers of representation / employment seem hard to come by. Also, I’m rapidly losing my nerve with the whole thing, though unlike querying, this is not because I found a plot point that will alter my entire life and therefore need…

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Setbacks and Steps Forward

Setbacks and Steps Forward

The last few days have been a weird mixture of productive successes and deeply frustrating setbacks. And it’s not even like some things have been going universally well and some things haven’t — it’s far more muddled up and mixed than that. Friday got off to a bad start. I cycled to a physio consultation, and when getting off my bike outside, my foot gave way beneath me, turning my ankle over with a worrying snapping sound and spraining it….

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Seasonal Procrastination

Seasonal Procrastination

Sunshine, I’ve concluded, is not conducive to getting work done. It really makes me question why exams are held in the summer, because it’s the absolute worst time of year for getting anything done. I mean, sure, it’s still cold outside at the moment — it’s April in England, we’re lucky to have sunshine at all. But I woke up this morning, saw the bright blue sky (a far cry from yesterday’s foreboding, overcast day), and knew that I wasn’t…

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Dancing One Coffee At A Time

Dancing One Coffee At A Time

I don’t like talking about money, because frankly, it’s awkward. I don’t like trying to monetise my blog, because I feel it gives the wrong impression about why I do this whole social media thing, and it’s not because I think I could make a career from rambling about my gender crises and writing struggles. I’ve already talked about money too much this year what with the whole ‘YouTube de-monetised my account‘ thing, and it feels weird to bring it…

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A Year Of Living Visibly

A Year Of Living Visibly

A year ago yesterday, I publicly came out as nonbinary. Now, a year on, I wanted to talk about what it’s been like to live visibly. I have not been unapologetic about my identity, and the extent to which I’ve been ‘out’ varies hugely by context. On the internet, I’m public about it: I list my pronouns in all my social media bios and I don’t shy away from mentioning that I’m nonbinary when it seems relevant. I also sometime…

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#studyspoonie

#studyspoonie

I don’t know whether you guys are familiar with the concept of studyspo, but I come across it quite a lot, on both Tumblr and Instagram. Both platforms have their own studyspo communities (studyblr and #studygram respectively) of people who post aesthetic pictures of their notes and schoolwork to inspire and motivate others to study — as well as to celebrate their own progress, of course. There are some particular hallmarks of the kind of things people tend to post,…

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