Latest Rambles

You Can’t Edit A Blank Page

You Can’t Edit A Blank Page

One of the lies I was told about Cambridge before I started was that although the terms were extremely intense, they were short, and therefore I would have plenty of time to recover in the holidays before I had to do it all again. It’s true that the terms aren’t long, compared to many universities and definitely compared to school. We have eight weeks of teaching at a time, and then substantial breaks. But there is no time to recover,…

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Lost Potential and Abandoned Dreams

Lost Potential and Abandoned Dreams

For those who aren’t aware, I used to be a competitive Irish dancer. (I’ve written about it before here. And here. And in other places. ) Maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement. I wasn’t the kind of competitive Irish dancer who is at a feis (competition) every weekend, has a huge elaborate curly wig and a dress costing thousands of pounds that seem mostly to have been spent on finding the grossest combination of neon with Swarovski crystals. I…

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Blame My Dissertation

Blame My Dissertation

I haven’t been sleeping as much as I’d like recently. I probably still sleep more than the average person; it’s still the Easter break, I’m still fatigued, and I don’t often get up before noon. But I’m not sleeping well. I find it difficult to drop off, however late it is when I go to bed; a lot of that’s to do with anxiety, and I’ve had some significant panic attacks lately, though I’m not certain why. Even once I…

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Aftereffects Of Coming Out

Aftereffects Of Coming Out

Whenever I write a big, scary blog post, I never really know how to follow it up. Should I just go back to ‘business as usual’ posts about how I’m getting on with my dissertation (not as quickly as I’d like), or do I need to take this time to be serious and deep since that’s what people are probably expecting? I also considered making a post made up of all the bits and pieces of things I’ve wanted to…

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Coming Out (Again)

Coming Out (Again)

When I came out on my blog over four years ago, I didn’t think I’d need to do it again. It was an all-encompassing, non-label-specific post about my queerness that, barring a few details, has remained true even as my understanding of my identity has changed and deepened. Mostly. But in June 2014, in the midst of my A-Levels, I started questioning my gender identity. It wasn’t really the best timing to have a major crisis about fundamental building blocks…

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Getting Lucky With Everyday Sexism

Getting Lucky With Everyday Sexism

Over the last couple of days, I read the book Everyday Sexism by Laura Bates. If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed me tweeting about it, and exploring the ideas that I’m now writing this blog post about. (CW: discussion of street harassment and fairly mild descriptions of assault.) I’ve been meaning to read Everyday Sexism for a while — it’s been recommended to me, and I’ve seen it referenced, but I’m not great at non-fiction and…

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Small, Unsteady Steps

Small, Unsteady Steps

Well, I made it to the end of term. This is not an insignificant achievement, since this time last year I had to take time out of uni before the end of term and so this is my second attempt at getting to the end of Lent Term of second year, and the first time I’ve managed it. In some ways, this term has seen me with just as many problems (health-related and otherwise) as last year, especially with the…

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A Host Of Updates (and cat pictures)

A Host Of Updates (and cat pictures)

While I have the energy to be upright and write this post (which I’ve saved up by spending all day in bed, not intentionally), I figured I’d give you a few important updates. First, I shifted my blog to its new host at the weekend, which means it might break. Both my hosts (old and new) seem convinced they’re hosting the site, and I guess we won’t know for sure which one’s supporting it until the old hosting runs out,…

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Describing Pain

Describing Pain

Pain is really difficult to describe. When you go to hospital — because of an acute problem or for an outpatient appointment of some kind or whatever — they often ask you to rate it on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being negligible and 10 being the worst pain you can imagine. There are a few problems with that, because pain’s super subjective: there’s an XKCD comic that summarises one problem rather well. And when you suffer from chronic…

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Writing To Live

Writing To Live

I was getting the itch to write the other day. I always get it at inconvenient times, like during exams or when my hands are not physically working or, like now, when I have three essays due in the space of a week and my shoulder is in spasm so I can’t lift my left arm or turn my head properly without severe pain. It creeps up on me and it can’t be ignored, because it takes over my thoughts…

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