Latest Rambles

Academic Acknowledgments

Academic Acknowledgments

Im my department, we’re not encouraged/allowed to include acknowledgements in our dissertations. In some ways, this is a relief — I’d inevitably forget someone important, and I’d also run into issues trying to credit people I only know by their usernames online. However, it also seems a shame, because there are a number of people without whom this dissertation couldn’t have been written; if it had, it would have been much the poorer for it. But now that it’s handed…

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Querying My Future

Querying My Future

Job hunting and querying are extremely alike, I’ve found. Cover letters are basically just queries for yourself; an interview is a full or partial request (depending whether it’s the first interview of several or the only one); and those offers of representation / employment seem hard to come by. Also, I’m rapidly losing my nerve with the whole thing, though unlike querying, this is not because I found a plot point that will alter my entire life and therefore need…

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Setbacks and Steps Forward

Setbacks and Steps Forward

The last few days have been a weird mixture of productive successes and deeply frustrating setbacks. And it’s not even like some things have been going universally well and some things haven’t — it’s far more muddled up and mixed than that. Friday got off to a bad start. I cycled to a physio consultation, and when getting off my bike outside, my foot gave way beneath me, turning my ankle over with a worrying snapping sound and spraining it….

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Seasonal Procrastination

Seasonal Procrastination

Sunshine, I’ve concluded, is not conducive to getting work done. It really makes me question why exams are held in the summer, because it’s the absolute worst time of year for getting anything done. I mean, sure, it’s still cold outside at the moment — it’s April in England, we’re lucky to have sunshine at all. But I woke up this morning, saw the bright blue sky (a far cry from yesterday’s foreboding, overcast day), and knew that I wasn’t…

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Dancing One Coffee At A Time

Dancing One Coffee At A Time

I don’t like talking about money, because frankly, it’s awkward. I don’t like trying to monetise my blog, because I feel it gives the wrong impression about why I do this whole social media thing, and it’s not because I think I could make a career from rambling about my gender crises and writing struggles. I’ve already talked about money too much this year what with the whole ‘YouTube de-monetised my account‘ thing, and it feels weird to bring it…

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A Year Of Living Visibly

A Year Of Living Visibly

A year ago yesterday, I publicly came out as nonbinary. Now, a year on, I wanted to talk about what it’s been like to live visibly. I have not been unapologetic about my identity, and the extent to which I’ve been ‘out’ varies hugely by context. On the internet, I’m public about it: I list my pronouns in all my social media bios and I don’t shy away from mentioning that I’m nonbinary when it seems relevant. I also sometime…

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#studyspoonie

#studyspoonie

I don’t know whether you guys are familiar with the concept of studyspo, but I come across it quite a lot, on both Tumblr and Instagram. Both platforms have their own studyspo communities (studyblr and #studygram respectively) of people who post aesthetic pictures of their notes and schoolwork to inspire and motivate others to study — as well as to celebrate their own progress, of course. There are some particular hallmarks of the kind of things people tend to post,…

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Murderous Motives and Dissertation Deadlines

Murderous Motives and Dissertation Deadlines

The general feeling in the comments of my last post (and from people I talked to separately) was that I should delay querying until I’ve done these edits. And the general feeling in my brain is that no matter how much I want to do them now, I have to wait until after my exams. My dissertation is due in barely more than a month, and my exams start in approximately ten weeks. I’m already doing a dance competition the…

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Poison and Perfectionism

Poison and Perfectionism

A few weeks ago, I said that I was querying. That I’d finally overcome my perfectionism and constant editing to send out six entire queries, and was planning to send more. So here’s an update. First off, I’ve had three replies, and they’ve all been rejections. I wasn’t too disappointed by the first two as they weren’t agents I was particularly invested in, but the third one was one I’d been hopeful about, so I was a little bit sad…

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The Future Tense of Spectacular

The Future Tense of Spectacular

Deciding to return to Irish dance was a risky proposition, for me. I had no idea how my body would react — whether it would make my chronic pain better or worse, cause injury or allow me to get stronger. But it was also risky on a physical level. When I started considering going back to Irish dance, I found myself suddenly full of wildly ambitious plans and dreams, such as I haven’t had for years. My health problems mean…

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