Latest Rambles

Post-Exam Plans and Sleep

Post-Exam Plans and Sleep

I don’t make a habit of apologising on my blog every time I disappear for weeks at a time, but I feel like I probably should, because… yeah, I disappeared for nearly a month this time, and I feel bad about that. To be fair, I have an excuse, which is that I was mired in the hell of Cambridge exams, and have actually done more work in the last two weeks than in any other two-week period since I…

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An Aggressively Positive Playlist

An Aggressively Positive Playlist

Okay, well, I’m officially sucking at blogging this term. Which would make sense, if I were hard at work revising for the exams I have in like two weeks (!!!!), but to be honest, there hasn’t been nearly enough work happening either. There’s been a lot of procrastination. I started doing Irish dance in my room every night with an eye to getting back into the sport, and today contacted a dance school to see if I can take classes…

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Healthy Body, Healthy Mind

Healthy Body, Healthy Mind

I hear the refrain healthy body, healthy mind quite a lot. (Well, I read it quite a lot. Usually on people’s blogs as they try and inspire other masochists to get up at 6am and go for a run. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF?) Mostly, it annoys me, because as someone who is chronically and mentally ill, both a healthy body and a healthy mind seem out of my reach. However, I’m trying to work on the basis…

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Shooting for Success

Shooting for Success

On Tuesday, I went to archery for the first time in four years. For about a year, in 2012-13, I used to shoot weekly with an after-school archery club. It was run by a guy called Peter who’d been doing it since the 90s for 20p a session (though it went up to 30p while I was there; that’s inflation for you), and for quite a bit of the time I was there, I was the only member who wasn’t…

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Vlogging And Deadlines

Vlogging And Deadlines

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve had coursework and a dissertation to work on. However, I unfortunately made an error with deadline dates, and as a result, have had a week from hell. I was going to blog about it, but in my attempts to revive my YouTube channel (which has been sadly neglected for the past year), I already filmed and edited a vlog on the subject, and it seemed pointless to tell the same story twice….

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You Can’t Edit A Blank Page

You Can’t Edit A Blank Page

One of the lies I was told about Cambridge before I started was that although the terms were extremely intense, they were short, and therefore I would have plenty of time to recover in the holidays before I had to do it all again. It’s true that the terms aren’t long, compared to many universities and definitely compared to school. We have eight weeks of teaching at a time, and then substantial breaks. But there is no time to recover,…

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Lost Potential and Abandoned Dreams

Lost Potential and Abandoned Dreams

For those who aren’t aware, I used to be a competitive Irish dancer. (I’ve written about it before here. And here. And in other places. ) Maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement. I wasn’t the kind of competitive Irish dancer who is at a feis (competition) every weekend, has a huge elaborate curly wig and a dress costing thousands of pounds that seem mostly to have been spent on finding the grossest combination of neon with Swarovski crystals. I…

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Blame My Dissertation

Blame My Dissertation

I haven’t been sleeping as much as I’d like recently. I probably still sleep more than the average person; it’s still the Easter break, I’m still fatigued, and I don’t often get up before noon. But I’m not sleeping well. I find it difficult to drop off, however late it is when I go to bed; a lot of that’s to do with anxiety, and I’ve had some significant panic attacks lately, though I’m not certain why. Even once I…

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Aftereffects Of Coming Out

Aftereffects Of Coming Out

Whenever I write a big, scary blog post, I never really know how to follow it up. Should I just go back to ‘business as usual’ posts about how I’m getting on with my dissertation (not as quickly as I’d like), or do I need to take this time to be serious and deep since that’s what people are probably expecting? I also considered making a post made up of all the bits and pieces of things I’ve wanted to…

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Coming Out (Again)

Coming Out (Again)

When I came out on my blog over four years ago, I didn’t think I’d need to do it again. It was an all-encompassing, non-label-specific post about my queerness that, barring a few details, has remained true even as my understanding of my identity has changed and deepened. Mostly. But in June 2014, in the midst of my A-Levels, I started questioning my gender identity. It wasn’t really the best timing to have a major crisis about fundamental building blocks…

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