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Tag: anxiety

Graduation Day Reflections

Graduation Day Reflections

Today is my graduation. In 2016, I took time out of Cambridge, because I wasn’t coping. Getting diagnosed with coeliac disease in 2015 was a lot to cope with on top of my other health problems; completely rethinking my diet while trying to keep up with the intensity of a Cambridge workload was a struggle. The medication I was on for my anxiety made me sleep up to fourteen hours a day, and I spent the few hours I was…

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Dancing Through Hell

Dancing Through Hell

Quick post today, because I realised it was a very long time since I last posted and I should maybe keep you updated. Short version: exam term is hell. Finals are hell. I am in hell. Insert witty Dante reference here because dammit I’m a medievalist, I should know what to say!! Sorry. I’m just fighting the feeling that I’m a failure who doesn’t know nearly as much about medieval literature as I think I do. My first exam is…

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Disappointment and Impostor Syndrome

Disappointment and Impostor Syndrome

Yesterday I attended my second feis (Irish dance competition) since returning to dance as an adult. After the success of the first one, I was keen to do it again. It was fun! I discovered that I enjoyed performing, and that my anxiety went away as soon as I was actually on stage (even if it was bad beforehand) — and I did pretty well, too, so that was a big morale-booster. Despite impending finals, doing another competition a few…

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Querying My Future

Querying My Future

Job hunting and querying are extremely alike, I’ve found. Cover letters are basically just queries for yourself; an interview is a full or partial request (depending whether it’s the first interview of several or the only one); and those offers of representation / employment seem hard to come by. Also, I’m rapidly losing my nerve with the whole thing, though unlike querying, this is not because I found a plot point that will alter my entire life and therefore need…

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#studyspoonie

#studyspoonie

I don’t know whether you guys are familiar with the concept of studyspo, but I come across it quite a lot, on both Tumblr and Instagram. Both platforms have their own studyspo communities (studyblr and #studygram respectively) of people who post aesthetic pictures of their notes and schoolwork to inspire and motivate others to study — as well as to celebrate their own progress, of course. There are some particular hallmarks of the kind of things people tend to post,…

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The Future Tense of Spectacular

The Future Tense of Spectacular

Deciding to return to Irish dance was a risky proposition, for me. I had no idea how my body would react — whether it would make my chronic pain better or worse, cause injury or allow me to get stronger. But it was also risky on more than a physical level. When I started considering going back to Irish dance, I found myself suddenly full of wildly ambitious plans and dreams, such as I haven’t had for years. My health…

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Taking A Deep Breath

Taking A Deep Breath

I was going to be topical and post an anti-Valentines list of books that don’t centre around romance, for all the people like me who feel like an alien today for not being interested in relationships. However, I couldn’t actually think of enough books to make a post — I know they exist, but I didn’t have time to go hunting back through everything I’ve ever read, and I could only think of a handful off the top of my…

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Eating Better Without Thinking About Food

Eating Better Without Thinking About Food

I don’t have a great relationship with food. In fact, that’s an understatement. I have a bad relationship with food and exist on the perpetual verge of a worse one. I have good reasons for this. First up there are the body image issues, which in my case have very little to do with being attractive to an arbitrary observer and a lot to do with being trans and chronically ill and thus spending my life feeling like I’m in…

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A Mixed Start On 2018 Goals

A Mixed Start On 2018 Goals

One of the things I’d like to do more this year is focus on what I have achieved rather than what I haven’t. That’s proving a little tricky so far — I’m behind on work, for a start, so all I can think about is how I haven’t done any of the four essays I’m supposed to be doing, rather than concentrating on the fact that I’m ahead on my dissertation, even though the latter is probably a more positive…

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Struggling With Dissertations and Christmas

Struggling With Dissertations and Christmas

My dissertation writing retreat was both everything I hoped, and also not.  Spending five days in Cambridge on my own was what I needed: I managed to write around 9,500 words of my dissertation, which puts me over the minimum wordcount and essentially constitutes most of a first draft. I’d hoped, however, that it would be in a state where I could send it to my supervisor at the end of the week. Instead, it’s a hastily cobbled-together mess of…

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