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Tag: identity

A Year Of Living Visibly

A Year Of Living Visibly

A year ago yesterday, I publicly came out as nonbinary. Now, a year on, I wanted to talk about what it’s been like to live visibly. I have not been unapologetic about my identity, and the extent to which I’ve been ‘out’ varies hugely by context. On the internet, I’m public about it: I list my pronouns in all my social media bios and I don’t shy away from mentioning that I’m nonbinary when it seems relevant. I also sometime…

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What’s In A Name?

What’s In A Name?

I’ve been struggling with names this week. I mean, I’ve also been struggling with the fact that I have two essays and dissertation work to do this week, when my doctor has just informed me that the horrendous headache I can’t get rid of is in fact a migraine and I want to do nothing except curl up in bed and pretend my head doesn’t exist until it goes away, but names have been on my mind. Mostly the fact…

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A Queer Reading Of My Life

A Queer Reading Of My Life

One of the things I learned during A-Level English Literature that I hadn’t come across before was the idea of different readings of a text. I mean, I think I’d been doing it unconsciously already, but the terminology hadn’t crossed my path. I didn’t know you could do a ‘feminist reading’ of a text, let alone a ‘queer reading’. I didn’t know it was legitimate to look at material through a certain lens and see what it uncovered, and discovering…

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Mental Illness Is A Sneaky Beast

Mental Illness Is A Sneaky Beast

Sometimes I think I’m managing okay despite my anxiety and depression getting in the way of life. Okay, so I’m not at university, but Cambridge is a stressful place and I’m managing fine apart from that, right? Wrong. Every time I think I’ve got things under control I realise yet another thing has slipped under the radar, so I decided to compile a list of all the ways my mental illness has sneaked up on me recently, making me think…

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Understanding Teenagers

Understanding Teenagers

Recently, I was working on a writing project that needed me to sound like a fifteen-year-old girl and, despite having been one of those only a few years ago, I found it hard to be sure whether I was getting it at all right. How could I strike a balance between writing how I wanted to write, and writing how I would have sounded at that age? I’ve always had a relatively sophisticated writing style by virtue of writing so…

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Reclaiming Brokenness

Reclaiming Brokenness

On Sunday, when my sister was home for Mothers’ Day, we had a disagreement about the fact I refer to myself as “broken” because of my physical health problems and “mental” or “crazy” on days when I’m feeling particularly frustrated with my mental health problems. Her reasoning was that by using these somewhat derogatory terms, I was being defeatist, and suggesting I didn’t think I was going to get better. Moreover, by calling myself broken and mental, I was reinforcing…

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A New Decade

A New Decade

I wasn’t a big fan of being a teenager. It meant people didn’t take me seriously, especially when it came to writing, and since I look younger than I am, I hated having that –teen suffix to emphasise it. Even so, the thought of turning twenty was mildly terrifying. It’s not a legal boundary the way eighteen or twenty-one is, but it seems like a big jump anyway. Yesterday was my birthday. I’m officially two decades old. I still look…

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Who, What, Where, Why, How

Who, What, Where, Why, How

While everyone I know is making jokes about how epically they failed to live up to their New Year’s Resolutions for 2015 or bragging about their achievements, I’m feeling quietly smug that I decided to forego more traditional resolutions in favour of asking myself a few very important questions about myself: Am I who, what and where I want to be? If not, why? How can I change things so that I am? (Admittedly, I did set myself a bunch…

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Poem-mas Day 7: Kiss At The Crossing Place

Poem-mas Day 7: Kiss At The Crossing Place

Well, I didn’t think I’d be posting this early in the day, but I somehow woke up about two and a half hours before I’d planned, and have dragged myself out of bed to blog and take care of a few things before we leave for Cambridge later. You’re the ones who win in this scenario — I’m exhausted, but at least a blog post gets written! Today’s poem is a very personal one, and one that very closely links…

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Poem-mas Day 4: Self Portrait

Poem-mas Day 4: Self Portrait

Okay. I think I can say with reasonable confidence that this poem isn’t depressing. It’s a matter of opinion as ever, but I think there’s very little in this one that could be construed as miserable in the way the others were. So I count that as a victory. (Confused about what Poem-mas is? Read this post.) That said, my choice of poem today comes with its own problems, namely that there isn’t a lot to explain about it. There’s…

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