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Tag: loss

Struggling With Dissertations and Christmas

Struggling With Dissertations and Christmas

My dissertation writing retreat was both everything I hoped, and also not.  Spending five days in Cambridge on my own was what I needed: I managed to write around 9,500 words of my dissertation, which puts me over the minimum wordcount and essentially constitutes most of a first draft. I’d hoped, however, that it would be in a state where I could send it to my supervisor at the end of the week. Instead, it’s a hastily cobbled-together mess of…

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Former Friends and Appreciating Art 

Former Friends and Appreciating Art 

Do you ever strongly associate a book or a film with a particular person? And then find that because you have negative associations with that person, you now have negative feelings about the book or film?  For example, it took me years to get around to reading The Lies of Locke Lamora, because all I knew about it was that a former friend of mine had been reading it when I knew him, and so it was all tied up…

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Loss, Closure, and Self-Respect

Loss, Closure, and Self-Respect

I lost a friend recently. Well, more than six months ago, but I somehow didn’t notice it at the time. It crept up on me.  I thought she was busy with college. Then she seemed to have vanished from Facebook, so maybe that was because she was focusing on other things. She wasn’t replying to my blog comments, but maybe she had a backlog to work through?  Eventually it dawned on me that she’d blocked me from everything except her…

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Lost Potential and Abandoned Dreams

Lost Potential and Abandoned Dreams

For those who aren’t aware, I used to be a competitive Irish dancer. (I’ve written about it before here. And here. And in other places. ) Maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement. I wasn’t the kind of competitive Irish dancer who is at a feis (competition) every weekend, has a huge elaborate curly wig and a dress costing thousands of pounds that seem mostly to have been spent on finding the grossest combination of neon with Swarovski crystals. I…

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Reacting While Numb

Reacting While Numb

I have not really known how to react to this week — a blog post featuring pictures of Nellie, because they make things better. It got off to a poor start with a lack of sleep and an overload of work, wasn’t improved by a flu jab that made me feel pretty unwell, got worse with the election of Donald Trump, and hit rock bottom when I learned that somebody I know online committed suicide on Tuesday night. We weren’t…

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Poem-mas Day 8: A Distant Ghost

Poem-mas Day 8: A Distant Ghost

I almost forgot about today’s Poem-mas post, and then when I remembered it was already getting late, but I’m not above staying up late due to an arbitrary commitment I made to the internet and which absolutely nobody will notice if I miss, so here I am. HELLO INTERNET. YOUR TASK FOR 2016 IS TO PERSUADE ME TO GET A LIFE. Anyway, after some dissertation funtimes this afternoon followed by a nap I didn’t really mean to take, I’m in…

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i am in ur library, shelving all ur books

i am in ur library, shelving all ur books

Today, I started what basically constitutes my first job. Unless you count being a self-published poet, which personally, I don’t. Most jobs don’t take place at 1am and involve nothing but a pen and paper, let’s be real. I’m working in the library of my old school, which I left last year. I think I mentioned briefly in a previous post that the school librarian died a couple of weeks ago. It’s very sad — she was an important part…

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Who I Was

Who I Was

I was given my first violin for Christmas when I was five, nearly six. My flute, Christmas 2004 — I was eight, nearly nine. I played the ocarina and the recorder in school, the way most children do at the age of six or seven. My mum taught me the basics of playing the violin, but I didn’t start lessons until 2003. These were in groups, at school. I wanted to take up the flute in 2003 instead of the…

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Getting Over Lost Friends

Getting Over Lost Friends

I feel like I should have some kind of tag or content warning here: ahoy, personal post about Me and My Life and Things That Happened In It. But I guess that’s most of the posts on this blog, so you should be used to it by now. I’m not even sure why I’m telling you this. I think it’s because it’s something I would have found helpful to hear a few months ago, and I’m hoping that it will…

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Time Passes

Time Passes

A year ago today, my grandma passed away. It’s also father person’s birthday today, which means I didn’t like to mention this. I’m sure the parentals haven’t forgotten, and reminding them seemed unnecessary, and would have put a damper on the mood. Yet at the same time, it seemed odd to go the whole day without mentioning it to anyone. Not even to my friends. What’s in a year? A year is ever so slightly over a seventeenth of my…

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