Sometimes I like Sundays.
Sometimes, you have a day that is so terrible that by the end of it, you just want to give up. You can’t face talking to people. You don’t want to go back to work, or school, or college, in a couple of days time. You just want to crawl into bed and stay there with a mug of hot chocolate and a book.
That’s what today was like.
I have to admit that it didn’t start brilliantly. I didn’t wake up until one pm, and I’ve come to discover that every time I sleep in, I have a bad day. I guess I need to learn to be a morning person.
Then I spent much of the day working on an art project, which is driving me absolutely insane, and involved using several computers and a printer. My sister’s computer has crashed and is as dead as mine, and the upstairs computer blue-screened for a while. I’m beginning to think the technology in this house is cursed.
I went to feed my neighbour’s rabbit in the evening. Got there, and one of them was lying dead in the hutch.
It’s bad enough when it’s your own rabbit, isn’t it, and you’ll feel awful and wonder whether you did something wrong. But when it’s someone else’s rabbit you just don’t know what to do any more. I stood there and swore. Loudly. Several times. Then I ran home, told my mum, who called our neighbour’s parents to tell them, and I stood with the other rabbit, stroking it and stroking it. I think he caught my mood because he let me stroke him and cry on him for about ten minutes.
After feeding that one I locked up the house and went home. I think I saw the car of the grandparents arriving as I opened my front door.
Later my sister was complaining that she was sad. Her computer was broken. Obviously, that meant she was much more miserable than the rest of us. Well, my computer is broken and I’ve spent my last week of holiday without it, and now next door’s rabbit has died while I was looking after it, and I just don’t know what to do any more, and …
And then Mum asks us if Dad broke the news – Gill Atkins, from my church, died this afternoon. She’s had pancreatic cancer and has been pretty sick, but I didn’t realise she’d slipped away today.
I didn’t think today could get any worse. I was already feeling terrible and guilty about Pip, the rabbit, and now she was gone and I hadn’t seen her recently. My brother wrote her a letter a couple of days ago. I guess maybe it was the shock of that which killed her, because he is not known for his writing. (*watery grin*). But Gill was a friend of mine. She used to do work out in Uganda. I raised money for her, made her and Derek bracelets to wear while they were out there so they wouldn’t forget about us…
She was so strong, so caring, such a member of the church. And now she’s gone.
And I don’t know what to do.
Because this day has gone from bad to worse and I can’t help feeling selfish when I think about how her family must feel. And I know she’s in a better place (“where death is just a memory / and tears are no more”) and she’s not hurting any more.
But everything has happened on top of itself.
One of those would have been enough to make me feel awful.
Now I feel bad enough to … well, I don’t know. To write a damned good death scene, I guess. Only I’ve finished what I was writing and am waiting for my laptop to come back so I can recover the file to edit it, and if I’ve lost that … well, I guess I will have to write that death scene again.
But there’ve been lyrics that have comforted me, this last half hour or so:
We live to dance another day
Just now we have to dance for one more of us
So let’s stop looking so damned depressed
And sing with all our hearts ‘long live the queen’…