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Tag: anxiety

Aiming For Peace

Aiming For Peace

I’ve been trying to think about what my main goals for 2019 are, but I’m finding it tricky. A year is a long time — as I said in my last post, while I didn’t achieve everything I set out to do last year, I also achieved a bunch of things it would never have occurred to me to aim for, because things change. This year is particularly unpredictable because it’s my first year out of education in, like, nineteen…

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A Year Of Growth

A Year Of Growth

Every New Year I find myself thinking about a previous New Year’s Eve, one that’s barely a fragment of memory: sitting in my kitchen as my uncle and grandad, sitting near the radiator, turned to each other, and said, “Well, well, well. 2002.” At this point I’m not even sure if it’s a real memory, but it’s one I’ve gone over so many times in my head that it feels like one. 2018’s been quite a year. Politically tumultuous, to…

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Graduation Day Reflections

Graduation Day Reflections

Today is my graduation. In 2016, I took time out of Cambridge, because I wasn’t coping. Getting diagnosed with coeliac disease in 2015 was a lot to cope with on top of my other health problems; completely rethinking my diet while trying to keep up with the intensity of a Cambridge workload was a struggle. The medication I was on for my anxiety made me sleep up to fourteen hours a day, and I spent the few hours I was…

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Dancing Through Hell

Dancing Through Hell

Quick post today, because I realised it was a very long time since I last posted and I should maybe keep you updated. Short version: exam term is hell. Finals are hell. I am in hell. Insert witty Dante reference here because dammit I’m a medievalist, I should know what to say!! Sorry. I’m just fighting the feeling that I’m a failure who doesn’t know nearly as much about medieval literature as I think I do. My first exam is…

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Disappointment and Impostor Syndrome

Disappointment and Impostor Syndrome

Yesterday I attended my second feis (Irish dance competition) since returning to dance as an adult. After the success of the first one, I was keen to do it again. It was fun! I discovered that I enjoyed performing, and that my anxiety went away as soon as I was actually on stage (even if it was bad beforehand) — and I did pretty well, too, so that was a big morale-booster. Despite impending finals, doing another competition a few…

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Querying My Future

Querying My Future

Job hunting and querying are extremely alike, I’ve found. Cover letters are basically just queries for yourself; an interview is a full or partial request (depending whether it’s the first interview of several or the only one); and those offers of representation / employment seem hard to come by. Also, I’m rapidly losing my nerve with the whole thing, though unlike querying, this is not because I found a plot point that will alter my entire life and therefore need…

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#studyspoonie

#studyspoonie

I don’t know whether you guys are familiar with the concept of studyspo, but I come across it quite a lot, on both Tumblr and Instagram. Both platforms have their own studyspo communities (studyblr and #studygram respectively) of people who post aesthetic pictures of their notes and schoolwork to inspire and motivate others to study — as well as to celebrate their own progress, of course. There are some particular hallmarks of the kind of things people tend to post,…

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The Future Tense of Spectacular

The Future Tense of Spectacular

Deciding to return to Irish dance was a risky proposition, for me. I had no idea how my body would react — whether it would make my chronic pain better or worse, cause injury or allow me to get stronger. But it was also risky on more than a physical level. When I started considering going back to Irish dance, I found myself suddenly full of wildly ambitious plans and dreams, such as I haven’t had for years. My health…

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Taking A Deep Breath

Taking A Deep Breath

I was going to be topical and post an anti-Valentines list of books that don’t centre around romance, for all the people like me who feel like an alien today for not being interested in relationships. However, I couldn’t actually think of enough books to make a post — I know they exist, but I didn’t have time to go hunting back through everything I’ve ever read, and I could only think of a handful off the top of my…

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Eating Better Without Thinking About Food

Eating Better Without Thinking About Food

I don’t have a great relationship with food. In fact, that’s an understatement. I have a bad relationship with food and exist on the perpetual verge of a worse one. I have good reasons for this. First up there are the body image issues, which in my case have very little to do with being attractive to an arbitrary observer and a lot to do with being trans and chronically ill and thus spending my life feeling like I’m in…

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